Sometimes I find it difficult to put into words everything that is running through my mind. I haven't found the switch to turn the relentless-thoughts-palooza off, but I'm still looking. 9 months later and I would think dealing with everything would be a breeze, but it's not. More time that passes, raises more questions, especially when new information is discovered.
The divorce isn't yet complete and it should have been. In fact, fingers have been pointed and accusations have been made that I'm the one slowing the process down. It's easy to put blame on the innocent in order to make yourself feel better and attempt to erase the guilt. But I know he has to lie in the bed he made while the guilt haunts him. I wasn't the sloppy attorney that made 5 simple mistakes ranging from the wedding date being 3 years too soon or the misspelling of the word circuit, as in circuit court. But because I contacted my attorney about the issues with the divorce paperwork and refused to sign until everything was fixed, I'm "delaying the divorce" and "being difficult." His words, not mine.
So since the attorney filed the divorce decree with the courts before anyone besides myself and my attorney caught the embarrassing mistakes, everything has to be "fixed" and resubmitted before a judge. Every. Single. Mistake.
But alas, I'm the idiot for not signing everything and he "was just trying to be nice" and "save me money." His words, not mine. Nice? Is that even possible after how the marriage ended? When I read those words I actually choked on my own spit. Because yes, now would be the time to be nice. Not when he was sleeping with another woman, lying through his teeth, and leading me on through tangles of stories and bald face lies. He's trying to be nice now. It all makes sense...
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