Monday: 3 hour class
Tuesday: Tutoring
Wednesday: 2 hour class
Thursday: Tutoring
Friday: Breath, pour, sip, relax
Start it all again the next week.
Honestly, I don't have a thing to complain about. Both of the classes are awesome and the tutoring is a break from the adventures of 5th grade. Life is good...maybe even teetering on the edge of grand. Tomorrow I'm taking half a day off work for a very important event. Good news finally made it's way to my world! Although I'll miss my kids for those first few hours, I'm actually excited to get a few things done around the house tomorrow morning...not to mention a few extra moments of sleep.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A glass half full...
The beginning of a new chapter is a common saying, right?
Exhibit A:
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
I'm more than happy to turn the page and read to find out what happens next :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
blame game
Sometimes I find it difficult to put into words everything that is running through my mind. I haven't found the switch to turn the relentless-thoughts-palooza off, but I'm still looking. 9 months later and I would think dealing with everything would be a breeze, but it's not. More time that passes, raises more questions, especially when new information is discovered.
The divorce isn't yet complete and it should have been. In fact, fingers have been pointed and accusations have been made that I'm the one slowing the process down. It's easy to put blame on the innocent in order to make yourself feel better and attempt to erase the guilt. But I know he has to lie in the bed he made while the guilt haunts him. I wasn't the sloppy attorney that made 5 simple mistakes ranging from the wedding date being 3 years too soon or the misspelling of the word circuit, as in circuit court. But because I contacted my attorney about the issues with the divorce paperwork and refused to sign until everything was fixed, I'm "delaying the divorce" and "being difficult." His words, not mine.
So since the attorney filed the divorce decree with the courts before anyone besides myself and my attorney caught the embarrassing mistakes, everything has to be "fixed" and resubmitted before a judge. Every. Single. Mistake.
But alas, I'm the idiot for not signing everything and he "was just trying to be nice" and "save me money." His words, not mine. Nice? Is that even possible after how the marriage ended? When I read those words I actually choked on my own spit. Because yes, now would be the time to be nice. Not when he was sleeping with another woman, lying through his teeth, and leading me on through tangles of stories and bald face lies. He's trying to be nice now. It all makes sense...
The divorce isn't yet complete and it should have been. In fact, fingers have been pointed and accusations have been made that I'm the one slowing the process down. It's easy to put blame on the innocent in order to make yourself feel better and attempt to erase the guilt. But I know he has to lie in the bed he made while the guilt haunts him. I wasn't the sloppy attorney that made 5 simple mistakes ranging from the wedding date being 3 years too soon or the misspelling of the word circuit, as in circuit court. But because I contacted my attorney about the issues with the divorce paperwork and refused to sign until everything was fixed, I'm "delaying the divorce" and "being difficult." His words, not mine.
So since the attorney filed the divorce decree with the courts before anyone besides myself and my attorney caught the embarrassing mistakes, everything has to be "fixed" and resubmitted before a judge. Every. Single. Mistake.
But alas, I'm the idiot for not signing everything and he "was just trying to be nice" and "save me money." His words, not mine. Nice? Is that even possible after how the marriage ended? When I read those words I actually choked on my own spit. Because yes, now would be the time to be nice. Not when he was sleeping with another woman, lying through his teeth, and leading me on through tangles of stories and bald face lies. He's trying to be nice now. It all makes sense...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012
So a new year begins. I've never been a fan of New Years Eve. For some reason I would always end up crying when the ball finally dropped and the music would begin. I never liked moving on to another year I think in part because I felt like I was leaving something better behind. Every year I was married and another year would go on without a baby in my arms, it would especially hit me hard. This year however, I didn't cry; I didn't even watch the ball drop. This year I was ready to say goodbye to a year I would soon like to forget. Probably the worst year of my life. I'd like to blame it on the odd numbers. 2011 just looks ugly, but 2012 is so much more appealing.
Maybe this year will have a different outcome. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'd love to know that becoming a mom is in my future by the end of this year. Whether by adoption or further fertility treatments, just knowing that it's not time for me to give up on that dream, would be wonderful. As far as meeting someone new, I'm not holding my breath. That's something I've given up on for now. I'm not in the position to meet someone, and I'm not sure I'm what someone is looking for. I don't even know how to date. I only dated one man, and I'm not sure I'm willing to bear my heart and soul again, with the risk of having it broken and stomped on. Like a hoedown kind of stomping, requiring lots of kicking and heels flying into the ground, repeatedly.
But life goes on and reality came knocking on my door at 5:32 this morning. I didn't want to get up at first, but I remembered the Hokies play in the Sugar Bowl tonight. Oh, and I love my kids at school, so I figured why not? It was worth it. They were worth it. They always are. Now I'm just hoping the Hokies make it worth it too!
Maybe this year will have a different outcome. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'd love to know that becoming a mom is in my future by the end of this year. Whether by adoption or further fertility treatments, just knowing that it's not time for me to give up on that dream, would be wonderful. As far as meeting someone new, I'm not holding my breath. That's something I've given up on for now. I'm not in the position to meet someone, and I'm not sure I'm what someone is looking for. I don't even know how to date. I only dated one man, and I'm not sure I'm willing to bear my heart and soul again, with the risk of having it broken and stomped on. Like a hoedown kind of stomping, requiring lots of kicking and heels flying into the ground, repeatedly.
But life goes on and reality came knocking on my door at 5:32 this morning. I didn't want to get up at first, but I remembered the Hokies play in the Sugar Bowl tonight. Oh, and I love my kids at school, so I figured why not? It was worth it. They were worth it. They always are. Now I'm just hoping the Hokies make it worth it too!
My date for New Years Eve
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)