A look back...

A year ago we were trying the last FET. I was raving about my husband and dreaming about our future. If I could turn back time (I can't even type that without hearing Cher's voice) I would change everything. I would have taken the first step to leave the marriage when the very first incident occurred years ago. I should have seen it coming, but I was young & naive.

Wide awake & dying

That's exactly how I feel. Life is steady moving forward and I'm desperately trying to keep up. I received the call from the attorney I'd been waiting for: he signed the separation agreement. Maybe I should be celebrating, but my heart aches to know there's no turning back now. The legalities of this whole process are very confusing. There's still lots of paperwork to be done concerning my car and the house, but as far as the marriage, it's done.

I look around at other people my age and see them celebrating with their spouses and growing families. At a time in my life where I should be doing the same, I'm starting over. Someone said it's a new chapter, but as far as I can see, it's a whole new book. My entire adult life was spent devoted to him. My memories from the past decade are with the man I loved. I'm starting from scratch making new memories and building a life alone.

Two months have passed since the day he left. Exactly 11 years ago to that day he proposed to me. I never knew that day would send me to my knees in tears. When I said yes I meant forever. I only wish that were still true...